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yehudit
Reply with quote  #1 
What do you do, when you spend all day long traipsing around town to find shoes for your daughter, because you really, truly, want her to start school with new shoes (which she needs) despite her pickiness, and at the end of the day, she shouts:

"YOU HATE ME!"

What do you do, when, excited as she, you both peel off her old pillow covers for new ones, each sewed by a different important woman in her life, and at the end of the day, she shouts:

"YOU HATE ME!"

What do you do, when, with every little itch, scratch and kvetch she comes looking for solace, and at the end of the day she shouts:

"YOU HATE ME!"

What do you do, when, at the end of this day, when it's finally, finally, time for her to go to bed, and, because you don't allow her to watch a movie so late, she screams:

"YOU HATE ME!"

What did I do? I sat down and wrote this. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to shout back. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her it's not true. I wanted to completely ignore her, which I couldn't, so I gave her a look that said: "Oh, please, you don't expect me to think you are serious, or to think that you really THINK that, do you? DO you? Really? But WHY, why would you think that? What did I DO to make you think that??!" If a look can say all that .... Oh, that's right, it's a picture that's worth a thousand words, not a look. Too bad. I was lost for words.

Well, I was at a loss for more than words. I just didn't find it in me to be generous of heart, which is what I'm sure Hashem wanted from me, because it was the most difficult thing to do. 

And now, she's fallen asleep. 

What would you do?

Gila
Reply with quote  #2 
I get "I hate you" every now and then, to which I found the best solution to be pretending to cry in an exaggerated way - this usually shifts the mood by bringing on giggles. Then I can get out of the emotional trap of anger and the urge to say it right back. Once things are out of the yetzer's clutches do I find it possible to deal rationally with the child.
Give it a try the next time your drama queen lobs it at you.
Chaya
Reply with quote  #3 
How old is she?
She sounds like either a toddler or a teenager: both of the tantruming transitional stages!
Maybe I'm just hardened, but I don't flinch when they say such things to me, including "icky mommy!" or calling me names (the favorite is that I'm a "chatula" cat, so I usually reply with meow). I don't think it is good manners. I don't like it. But I don't think they mean it.  Just like I don't mean it when I'm really angry at them and thinking "these kids are NUTS" or "I need to get away from them".
It sounds like your daughter gets LOTS of love.  She may be repeating this so much because she sees it gets a reaction from you. 
Can you respond with a calm "I'm sorry you feel that way, I love you"?  Usually my children do what works to get me angry! 
She is probably just checking to see if your love is unconditional.  When she feels upset or angry at anything, she is likely hating herself and saying instead you hate her.  I don't think a look of disgust is good, I'd think more of a look of love, or just ignoring.
Also, it is normal for a child not to realize the effort put into things.  She can't hold your feelings.  She is likely to be upset the shopping trip took so long, not realizing YOU gave to HER and that is why it took so long.  She is too young for sentimental value of sewing pillow cases.  And maybe all of that effort is why she feels so torn.

I understand why you are upset, lots of love and help from Above!

ND
Reply with quote  #4 
My response to that kind of comment is usually something along the lines of "I'm so sorry you feel that way. You must be pretty angry at me for something. But you know what? I love you anyway."

Other times it's more "What are you upset at me about? Maybe you can say 'Mommy, can we please go back to the store and get me the green shoes'? Will that be a nicer way to say it?"

Of course sometimes I just mutter to myself and walk away...
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